i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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