if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Your cock deserves a montage
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
