u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I need to calm my uterus...
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
