She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
