Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
