I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
