Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
