Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
