Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
