There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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