he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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