im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize
