The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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