you guys were way drunker than both of me
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
