Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
