R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
