I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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