ya dads aren't the best wingmen
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
