could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
