So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
