when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
