I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
