That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
