You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
