He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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