I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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