I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
