don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I believe in your delicious
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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