she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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