I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
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