Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
