It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
