Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
