he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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