i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
