I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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