Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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