Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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