I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
