it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
