Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
