I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
