i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
