You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
