I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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