Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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