can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
