I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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