Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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