If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize