apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
