how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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