I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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