Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
