4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
