Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
