you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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