Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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