My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
