suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize