peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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