I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Rumble strips road head = magical
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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