After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
