Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
She bit a glass in half.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
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