After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Ambien. No doubt about it.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
