I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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