I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
