whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
