my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
