i just had sex bonerless
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
