Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
