Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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